E Shock You? Lagos House Hunting Horror Stories

How Landlords in Lagos Will Humble You

If you have never house-hunted in Lagos, you might think you are ready for independence. But let me warn you, Lagos will humble you. One minute, you’re excited about moving into your dream apartment, and the next, you’re staring at a tiny room with a rent price that will make you question your life choices.

Have you ever checked house listings online and seen something like “Luxury 2-Bedroom Apartment in Lekki for ₦1.5M”? You’re thinking, “Not bad.” Then you call the agent, and he tells you, “Oga, that one don go, but we get another one wey better pass am.” That’s your first red flag—fake listings.

Lagos landlords don’t have mercy. They will charge you for things that don’t even make sense—Caution Fee, Agency Fee, Legal Fee, Service Charge, and Development Fee. Before you know it, that ₦1.5M apartment has turned into ₦2.8M. The real shock comes when you finally see the house, and it looks nothing like the pictures online. E shock you?


Lekki Rent vs. London Rent – Why Are They Competing?

Lekki landlords believe they are operating in New York or London. How do you explain a one-bedroom apartment in Lekki Phase 1 going for ₦3.5M per year? And that’s not even including service charges.

You enter the apartment thinking it’s gold-plated, only to see peeling walls, a kitchen the size of a shoebox, and a ‘luxury’ bathroom where the shower is directly above the toilet. But they will still tell you, “Madam, this one na hot cake.”

If you ask why rent is so high, you’ll hear excuses like, “The location is prime,” “We have 24/7 security,” or “There’s constant light.” My brother, na lie. The moment you pay, NEPA will start their usual nonsense, and the security man will tell you, “Oga, no fuel for gen.”


Surviving Estate Wahala, Agents with Fake Listings, and Self-Cons in Disguise

If you think living in an estate in Lagos is smooth, think again. Some estates have more drama than Nollywood. First, there’s the estate fee. It doesn’t matter if you are renting a single room or a mansion—you must pay for “estate development.” And let’s not forget the estate gate wahala. If you order a ride, you have to call security, fill a form, and sometimes even bring a letter from your village chief before Bolt or Uber can enter.

And then there are the agents. Lagos house agents are in a league of their own. These people will advertise a beautiful apartment online, but when you get there, it’s a completely different house. One agent will tell you, “Just manage check am first, e good.” The worst part? You must still pay inspection fee just to enter and see nonsense.

Some agents are creative liars. They will call a one-room self-contained apartment a “mini-flat,” even though the kitchen is inside the bedroom. Or they will tell you, “The toilet is shared, but it’s only with one quiet neighbor.” My brother, that one neighbor will soon turn into five.


Moving Out of Your Parents’ House? You’re Not Ready for Lagos Rent Reality

If you are still living with your parents and thinking of moving out, let me tell you now—stay there. Lagos rent is not for the faint of heart. The moment you announce you want to rent your own place, you will start hearing things like, “Hope you have agency and legal fees ready?” and “You need to pay two years upfront.” Two years ke? Do I look like I own an oil company?

When you finally find an affordable place, that’s when the landlord will hit you with their own list of demands: No cooking after 8 PM. No visitors after 10 PM. No using the washing machine. No playing loud music. No bringing in opposite gender guests. In fact, some landlords will monitor you like FBI agents.

Some people think, “Let me just rent a self-contained apartment; it should be easier.” My dear, e no easy. Self-contained in Lagos sometimes means a small room where your toilet, kitchen, and bedroom are all in one space. You wake up, stretch your hand, and you can switch on your gas cooker from your bed.


The Lagos House Inspection Struggles

Lagos house inspections should be classified as a survival show. First, you book an appointment with the agent. He tells you, “Meet me at the junction by 2 PM.” You get there on time, but the agent is nowhere to be found. When you call, he says, “Ah, Oga, I dey come, give me five minutes.” That five minutes will turn into one hour.

Finally, he shows up and takes you to the house. The first thing you notice is that the area is flooded. The agent will say, “This one na small thing, e no dey reach knee.” You enter the compound, and you see cracks on the wall. Agent will tell you, “Na just small crack, e no affect anything.” You enter the apartment and see that the ceiling is falling apart. The agent will tell you, “Na design, e dey trendy.”


Why You Must Never House-Hunt in the Rainy Season

If you ever want to rent a house in Lagos, do NOT do it during the dry season. Why? Because the landlord and agent will hide all the problems. That ‘beautiful’ apartment you saw in March will turn into a swimming pool when the rains start in June.

Nothing exposes bad houses like Lagos rain. You will see houses where water enters through the window, through the door, and even through the tiles. If you ask the landlord why there is water in the living room, he will say, “Na small thing, just put towel for ground.”

Some areas become Venice during the rainy season. If your house is in a flood-prone area, prepare to start using a canoe to go to work. That’s when you’ll hear the famous landlord lie, “Rain no too dey reach here like that.”


Final Thoughts: Lagos House Hunting Will Test Your Patience

House-hunting in Lagos is not for the weak. It’s a battle between your budget and reality, between fake listings and actual apartments, and between greedy landlords and desperate tenants.

Before you rent a house, ask questions, visit multiple times, and, most importantly, go during the rainy season. If you survive Lagos house hunting, congratulations—you can survive anything.

Welcome to the madness. Welcome to the hustle. Welcome to Lagos real estate. E shock you?